The Life And Crimes Of JTT

A couple days ago three dead bodies were found shot to death a street over from ours. That's funny; I didn't hear gunshots. I thought maybe the killer nicely used a silencer, so as not to disturb the neighbors. It turns out, though, that one of the three shot the other two, then himself, making it a double homicide/suicide. In my opinion, that's the best kind of icide, because it saves the police and the justice system all kinds of time and money.
In other news, I seem to have been bitten by a tarantula. Except we don't have those around here. I was sitting in my comfortable, pseudo leather office chair, working on the computer, then when I started to get up felt a painful, throbbing knot in my back. I thought it was a muscle problem or some such; nope, it was a huge spider bite of some sort. You never actually feel it when they bite, only after the fact when you notice an awful lump. We don't have many dangerous spiders around here. It was probably a wolf spider or some other tiny thing that leaves a huge mark.
Life is good again--or maybe better, since it was decent to begin with--as the Space Quest Collection has arrived. I've bungled my way past the first one and am now in the second, bringing to mind the many hilarious deaths of Roger Wilco. So far he's been blown up, shot, melted, vivisected, flattened, dissolved, eaten (with the consolation that at least he gave the root monster indigestion), vaporized, among innumerable other things. A great deal of the humor is derived from saving frequently and encountering swift, unexpected, hilarious death scenes. Poor Roger. I identify with him some days.

Today somebody in a red pimp-mobile pulled up alongside me honking and gesturing towards the back of my car. I thought he was just goofy, but pulled into a Toyota dealership to get out and take a look anyway. I didn't see anything. Then a guy in a van went by and said through his window, "Look underneath." Stuck to the underside of my car was a long stream of disgusting shrink wrap encrusted with fetid road debris and other assorted black gunk. I wonder how long that was trailing behind my car.
The only other things I've ever dragged behind a vehicle were a tree branch and a muffler. It's always good to have something new to add to the list.

Last night we went to an Octoberfest nearby. This is some kind of Germanic festival where there are tons of people around eating various forms of sausages, metts, sauerkraut, and the like, and drinking huge beers. There are always bands of people in lederhosen playing accordians and such. These things happen a lot around here this time of year, I guess because of Cincinnati's huge German population. I'm mostly German and Irish, but only wound up in Cincinnati by accident; my family's from Illinois.
Finished Prince of Persia 3 today. All is right with the world again. It's not easy being the Prince. I've always said life is a series of spinning razor blades and spikes.

Today something strange happened (which is not unusual in and of itself).
At work someone tipped me, which is weird enough because I'm a manager of a plumbing and electrical area in a place which shall remain nameless. What they tipped me with was stranger still: eight cans of beer in a paper bag. It's always good to add to life's already gigantic stockpile of odd experiences!

My parents' house on Cedaridge hasn't sold yet, and they've been living in the new one for about a month and a half. One major change has taken place in the old neighborhood, though. They're bulldozing the hundreds of acres behind their old house, between Cedaridge and West Fork, for a new subdivision of McMansions, no doubt the kind with postage-stamp yards and no trees.
In a way, I'm surprised this didn't happen sooner, what with the housing boom and all.
I have a lot of good memories of playing and exploring in that area with friends in the neighborhood growing up, and was not altogether too keen on watching it all go through a wood chipper.
Oh well, that kind of change happens. I've already seen my grade school bulldozed and the hospital I was born in demolished.
This can only mean one thing: the Syndicate wants me dead and is erasing my past. It's the only thing that makes sense!

This day didn't turn out to be a total loss after all. It wasn't easy, though.
Last night while we were watching a movie in the living room, I saw a big centipede going across the wall right behind Mrs. CSCC's head. Yuck. I found another one recently going up a bookshelf in my office. I wonder where these things are coming from? I'd hate to think there are a hundred thousand of them behind the walls.
During the day I took the time to reformat the hard drive and reinstall everything on the six-year-old Gateway computer here in my study. It's an old Pentium 4, which works well enough for what I need it to: MS Word, basic Internet, and basic web publishing. This was a major accomplishment for me, since I know virtually nothing about computers.
It needed it, though. It was getting to the point of being so buggy it was laughable, not to mention intolerable. Every time I'd turn this computer on, a multitude of weird screens would pop up, that I couldn't get rid of. In the last few days I added a couple more by accident somehow. Every ten seconds a screen would pop up wanting me to install something I didn't even know if I had the CD for. That did it. It was a headache, but worth it.
Any day off in which I manage to get anything worthwhile accomplished is a major victory.

The week has passed on the uneventful side.
Last night I had to go to a Brooks & Dunn concert with my wife...the things one endures for marriage. Surprisingly, it went a lot better than I expected. I honestly didn't see one handle-bar mustache or mullet, and believe me, I was on the look-out. I did see all kinds of big hats, though, like I used to see people wearing occasionally in Texas, and some huge beer guts.
It was a bit cool outside which, as it turned out, did function to suppress the potential smell. People were smoking and drinking like crazy; I think I smoked at least a pack second-hand, and drank four or five beers second-hand as well, if such a thing is possible. I don't know what it is about people and their cigarettes and plastic cups of pee-colored drinks. Attractive, huh? There were so many people lined up at the restrooms at one point I thought I saw a cloud of yellow vapor materializing outside the ventilation ducts.
The concert itself was not bad, although country music isn't particularly my style (I don't think any music is, really). This was more southern rock than country, I guess. Their song about faith with the five crosses in the background was good.
I have the next two days off work. I'm considering doing something productive (writing, looking for a better job, working on a web site, etc.) but haven't decided if I'm up to it yet. I'll give it the old college try, so to speak.

Well, that kid that the foster mother lost in a park didn't come to a great ending. Turns out, the foster parents tied him up with tape, locked him in a closet, left him for dead, burned his body, and concocted a lame lie. They'll probably get manslaughter; they deserve "old sparky."
Normally I'm not in favor of driving in a torrential downpour, but the other day at five in the morning it did do some good: raining so hard I couldn't even see the road, it managed to completely wash my car of accumulated bird excrement, berry splats, nuts, twigs, dust, and grime. That stuff was beginning to impede my James Bond-like driving skills. Speaking of which, my car is about to celebrate one year accident free; it's nearly been a year since I swerved off the road and crunched it into a guard rail.
The insurance adjuster: "I see the other car was painted green."
Me: "No, but the guard rail was."

I left on Sunday with my wife and four-year-old boy (left the two-year-old) and went to Gatlinburg for a couple days. That place, a touristy resort area next to a national park, is about 300 miles from here, but a decent get-away nonetheless.
Oddly enough, though, the past four days might as well have been ripped from the pages of someone else's life, someone else who lives life like a Farrely brothers movie, complete with every ridiculous bodily function including, but not limited to, various forms of funny defecation, flatulence, bleeding, and others that are unmentionable entirely. Whereas normally I try to maintain an atmosphere of "light and fluffy adventure," this outing was more like There's Something About Mary or Rushmore. Enough on that, though.
We stayed at the usual Park Vista hotel, a towering edifice on top of a mountain. My kid always likes swimming in pools in places we stay. I avoid public pools like the plague (an appropriate turn of phrase, I think). To me, there is nothing worse than swimming about in chlorinated urine amidst bandaids, syringes, and other assorted garbage. My wife and kid don't seem to mind it, though, so I just sit on a chair and read a book. As if there was ever any doubt, watching my kid attempt to swim around some floating piece of trash forever solidified my opinion of public pools. (Another kid later picked the trash out of the water and played with it.)
Normally we have a meal at the Apple Barn and a Mexican place in the middle of town, which is usually pretty good. This time we also tried the Chop House, a good steak place. I've been spoiled on good steak in life, having frequented the Maisonette, a Mobile 5-star joint in the middle of Cincinnati (steak dinners were around $100 a plate there).
At one point, I plowed into an intersection during a red light while other motorists shouted expletives and hit their brakes. Mrs. CSCC panicked me by frantically trying to kill a spider inside the front windshield with her foot.
On a brighter note, I did find a decent little boot knife from one of the myriad weapon stores in the area. They should compliment my Magnum police boots nicely, and conceal easily.

What's the latest? Not much. Here in Cincinnati some lady passed out at a park, and one of the four kids she had with her disappeared. They've been searching for him ever since, with no luck. He was about 4, and the other kids with them were younger, except a 10-year-old with developmental problems.
Finished Douglas Preston and Lincold Child's Book of the Dead. Pretty good! I'll be looking forward to their next one. On the other hand, there are no Dean Koontz's I haven't read, and there's not a whole lot else out I'm interested in. Maybe it's time for the sixth Robert Jordan book.
No decent movies out either, for that matter. Well, there's at least a new James Bond three months away, along with some quality video game releases. Still waiting desperately for the AGDI Interactive VGA remake of Quest for Glory 2 to be completed, and hoping beyond all hope that the Space Quest and King's Quest compilations available later this year on Amazon.com aren't a myth.

How could I have forgotten this?
When I went to pick up the kids after work, my boy was wearing "armor" made out of two cardboard sheets attached by two pieces of rope over his neck. He looked just like one of those transients who hang out at highway exits hitting up motorists for money.
Later at the house, I took a big Sharpie and decorated one side of the cardboard to look like He-Man's armor. On the flip side I wrote "Will Work For Food" in case the He-Man thing doesn't work out. It's never too early to start planning for the future!

Nothing particularly new or noteworthy lately. Work has been its usual, heinous self.
Tomorrow I'll go with my mom and kids to Dahlgren, IL to see my grandma. We'll come back Sunday. This leaves Mrs. CSCC home alone. She wants me to leave a gun loaded for her. She doesn't like being alone, and once thought the bedroom door was an intruder. This worries me. I told her not to accidentally shoot holes in our doors.
Next weekend I'll go with one kid and Mrs. CSCC to Gatlinburg for four days. Despite the horrible crowds and constant strings of tourist traps, it's always a pleasant little get-away. And I always enjoy shopping at the ninja store. (Christmas will be here before you know it!)
I've written 14 chapters in the ridiculous, utterly unpublishable novel I've been concocting so far, and am about 20-30 chapters from ending it according to my current outline and story arc.
Been reading Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child's Book of the Dead. It's not bad, and I've enjoyed all of their other books. Special Agent Pendergast is my hero, although he'd probably disdain me in real life.

The overnights are over with, thank goodness. I wouldn't mind working nights on a regular basis, although where I work there is no such type of job. Yesterday we went to the Butler County fair, something I have never been to. There were all kinds of cows, pigs, goats, sheep, rabbits, ducks, and such, more under their various roofs than I have ever seen in one place. There also were carnies. I have never met a carnie before. But there were, and I was even taken advantage of by one. Well, my life experience is complete now.
Today I got out of work a bit late, came back to the house, and promptly fell asleep to the wistful sounds of Spawn on TV. I had been up since 4:30 in the morning and needed the rest. My kids came in, though, and enjoyed Spawn after I woke up and decided to do some work on the computer. It's never too early to introduce your two-year-old daughter to the realities of Spawn. The classic tale of a guy who was made a superhero in the netherworld and sent back to take vengence on his enemies, based on a true story.
In other news, I've been seeing some goofy commercial on TV lately about some kids superhero movie with Chuck Norris. Turns out it is actually Tim Allen. It's amazing how Tim Allen looks like Chuck Norris these days.

The next three days are going to take on characteristics of a film noir (well, except for the morally ambiguous characters and uncontrollable spiral into doom) as I'm stuck working three overnights in a row. This really doesn't bother me much, as it merely allows me to avoid the one thing at work I'd like to steer clear of anyway: people!

Well, a few months ago my laptop finally kasploded...or something. When it turned on, it flashed a message too fast to read, then shut off. There was no fixing it. It currently resides in a laptop store on Colerain Ave, which I paid $35 to look at it. Two weeks later I had to call them to find out if they knew anything...and they couldn't find it for several hours. Finally they did find it, but still couldn't figure out what was wrong with it. If I were anything but extremely temperate, I'd have gone in there and demanded my money back for not calling for two weeks. But I'd rather let stuff like that go; it doesn't do any good stewing, fretting, and making a fuss over things like that. Instead I went to Best Buy and purchased a new, cheap Gateway laptop. All I use it for is writing on MS Word and basic Internet service (for stuff like this), so it should fit the bill. If I can get six years of good service out of it, I'll be happy.

After watching the old Superman movies on TV when I was a kid in the early '80's, it was a kick to finally see one in the theater. It's good to see the original and best superhero back in action, although it would have been nice to have had a bit more humor and maybe a lighter tone. That movie was a tad dark and morose. Otherwise, great! Favorite scene: Superman in space, watching over the earth, filtering through the pleas for help before flying into action. With a little more personality in the characters and a general sense of fun, that could have been the best superhero movie ever. As it is, it's pretty close to it.

Not much new of late, at least in the realm of the temporal.
A few days ago there was a huge fly bugging me in my CSCC office headquarters. It never landed on anything long enough for me to swat it, but I did catch it in midair "on the fly." Bwahahahaha! Whew. I've been pretty desperate for some humor lately.
Today I was off work and managed to oversleep. I wound up driving Mrs. CSCC and the kids to a castle about 25 miles from here, and wandered around inside it for a while. It looked like an honest-to-goodness 11'th century castle (that is, crummy), and the inside was rugged, to say the least. Apparently some guy built it in 1929 to live in, which he did for some time, I guess. Now people can go through it at their leisure. It wasn't a huge place, but the owner did actually furnish it with suits of armor, and I could have sworn I saw a +10 Broadsword of Disruption in a glass case. There was a rocky, uncomfortable dining hall, a rocky, uncomfortable chapel, and all sorts of other rocky, uncomfortable things in there. There were also fat tourists and other locals. From the looks of the place the owner was, indeed, living 11'th century style.

My boss at work had her kid during the last two days I was off. Luckily, I don't think she had it AT work.
Tom Brunk, one of my employees who started at the joint the same day I did, lost his wife while I was off. She had Alzheimer's pretty bad, so it wasn't a surprise.
Another of my bosses at work, Tom Good, lost a kid while I was off. I heard it was born about four months early, weighed about a pound, and lived about a month. No surprise there, either. That's awfully premature.
"The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord" I think Job said that.
Still, I try not to dwell on stuff like that. Otherwise I'd be wallowing around in it all day, like when I hear about some heinous crime perpetrated against a two-year-old.
Tomorrow, or later on today I guess at this point, Mrs. CSCC and the kids will go with me to see Grandma in Illinois. I usually take Chris when I go out, but rarely my wife, and Hannah has only been out there once, shortly after she was born.

Wednesday I went downtown for a bit to see Joe, took Chris with me. It was a decent time, and good to see that Joe Heckler is in one piece. We had lunch at Don Pablos over in Newport, KY. The Ohio River, snaking its way under the restaurant balcony, was its usual, healthy shade of brown.
On the way back up I-74 to the suburbs I saw something funny spray painted on the concrete under a bridge. It said "SATAN WILL RISE 666." I was laughing out loud at that, for some reason. I guess it caught me at just the right moment for my morbid, ridiculous sense of humor to kick in. I think the Bible verse is something like "Let God arise, and his enemies be scattered." Maybe the one under the bridge was from the Full Gospel Satanist's manual. Or the Authorized Satanic Bible. Or maybe from someone from the Joy Satanic Fellowship. The Southern Beelzebub Convention? The United Church of Moloch? Bwahahaha! I'd better stop, or this could go on for a while :D

Been reading the Dean Koontz book, Forever Odd, the follow-up to Odd Thomas. Good stuff! I wanted to get through that one before I read The Husband by Koontz.
Otherwise, not a whole lot new. Icepick and Heather stopped by Saturday night, and gave me an "I Survived The Dragon's Breath" T-shirt, a funny reminder of my favorite death in gaming, the Dragon's Breath in Quest For Glory I in the tavern that turns you into bubbling crud.
Saw the third X-Men with my wife the other day. More good stuff! Best scene ever: when Eric magnetically tips over the metal chess piece. That was gratifying.
Oh well, the next two days off work will be typically unproductive. I've got an oil change for the Camry at eight in the morning, and then will take 005 downtown to see Joe Heckler for a bit and have lunch.
Oh...I guess it bears mentioning that my most recent boss has been fired. I've had tons of bosses fired, and yet I remain. Yep, I'm tough to dislodge, alright. Of course, I know I had nothing to do with any of my bosses getting fired, but it gives me something to needle upper management about.